My three year old niece is the funniest person I know. Seriously. No one in the world can make me laugh the way she does. The things that come out of her mouth sometimes shock and surprise me, but often make me double over in laughter. I remember a story her mother told me once, where she was trying to get my niece to go to sleep. Her mother laid down, feigning a yawn and said, "Oh, I'm sleepy." My niece countered, "I'm Bashful!" These are the kinds of funny things that happen with her all the time.
Granted, I may be a bit biased. I love this kid as if she were my own. She is the little ray of sunshine that brightens up my life. She is sweet and kind and caring, and wise beyond her years. To top it off, she is a laugh-riot and most fun to be around.
The other night, the family and I all went out to dinner for my dad's birthday. When we go out to dinner, my niece is usually pretty shy with the waitstaff. This could be because we tell her that "the man", usually a host or a waiter, is going to get her when she is bad. Don't judge us. She's three and it keeps her in line (usually).
This particular night, however, my niece appears to be sweet on our waiter. When he comes to take our drink order, she tells him what she wants to drink and shows him a "magic trick" that she made up, involving a cracker and her breaking it in half. When he comes back with our drinks, she thanks him and gives him googley eyes. Every time this waiter comes to our table, my little niece is trying to engage him in conversation.
We all laugh at this as well as other funny things she does. For instance, my brother (her dad), who rarely drinks, orders a beer. While she is playing with some toy or other at the table, he takes another toy and hides it. Kidding around with her, he asks her where it went. "You took it, you dirty drunk," she says, causing all of us to laugh so loud that people at other tables look at us in that "What's so fucking funny?" way.
Near the end of the meal, the waiter comes over to clear the plates. My niece, who is sitting on my lap by this point, turns to face him.
"Hey, sweetheart," he says, "How was your dinner?"
"It was a very nice dinner. Thank you," she says politely and I well up with pride at little Miss Manners sitting on my lap.
The waiter continues to pile up dishes. "I'm glad you enjoyed it," he says.
"I love you," says my niece.
While this is funny in and of itself, it is not the first time this has happened. A week or two ago, we had ordered pizza and she insisted on coming to the door to get it. She didn't say a word to the pizza delivery guy, but after I gave him the money and said thanks, she blurted out, "Thank you! I love you!" Perhaps she is just grateful for food or likes men in the food services industry, I don't know.
What made this particular profession of love funny was that when she said she loved him, I looked down at her, and there she was, all googley eyes again, with her finger stuck up her nose! When we all started laughing hysterically, she got embarrassed and tried to crawl under my shirt, causing yet another embarrassing situation.
I must say, however, that the waiter took her pronouncement of love for him well, even gave her a lollipop afterwards. Problem is, we're going to have to teach her a thing or two about flirting. Lesson one: Don't pick your nose while professing your love for someone.
I think it's a good lesson for all of us to learn.